Dude...you're getting a Dell...!

Just a quick note to let the world know that apparently the wine incident was a bit more severe than I had originally thought. Basically I fried (or soaked) the mother board. As some of you know my mother and I have been sharing her computer or as Beth put it, joint custody. I get it from 4pm to 8 am and my mother gets it from 8am to 4 pm. It just so happens this is when I choose to quit smoking (oh lets face it...there is never going to be a perfect time). The computer and Facebook, My Space, email and all my apps keep my hands and brain busy. It lets me focus on something other than the need for a cig. But I'm worried I've been a bit piggy. So I'm trying to help my mother a little bit extra (my way of saying little squirrel knows and appreciates it). Guilt is eating me alive though. Not only have I taken over the computer but I "ignore" David. Now don't get me wrong...he has been BEYOND patient and keeps saying "if it makes you happy then it makes me happy"...I know I'm lucky. So I have quite a dilemma. I've been told by professionals and friends recently that I need to put myself first in order to take care of everyone else but they also say "don't be selfish...just take care of yourself" so I wonder where is that line between selfish and taking care of myself? I have always battled with this very question but I suppose all neurotic people do...I don't know.
So people I may be offline for a bit more until May 13th. Don't get me wrong...I can't stay away long but maybe I can try to find that "sweet spot" for self care and selfish. I am going to try to leave the computer alone tonight. Lets see if I can do it. I have basically switched one addiction for another and its got me all wacky until I can finally be okay without a cig. Off and on since I was 15 smoking has been my coping mechanism. If I was uncomfortable (which is a lot) I light up. If I was bored, nervous, sad, etc... I'd light up. Well I still have all these emotional hazards without the coping mechanism...no that's not right...I'm in the process of finding new and healthy coping mechanisms. I just want my family to know that I am trying very hard to sort all of this out. Tonight for instance I will plant two trees, tan, go to a meeting, do my mothers laundry and spend time with my husband. I'm actually okay with that...its the wee hours of the morning. If I watch TV I will want to smoke. I won't have anything to do until work...that's going to be the tough hours. All in all though I am doing well. I have never thrown a temper tantrum and have burst into tears just once or twice.
Okay onto more pleasant talk....my new Dell!!!! YAAAAYYYY!!!!

Its green, vista (I've gotten use to it), photography savvy, all programs, fully loaded. I am beyond excited. I told you when that hp tech support guy blew me off that was it...hp was dead to me.
For my mothers birthday she gets a new Dell and gives her hp to Dave who just likes to get to Amazon, golf stuff, email, bank and my blogs. Then I will have a computer all to myself...and then I am going wireless so I can spend time with my husband and my Big Girl AND play with my new toy such as photo editing etc....

Okay that was really long winded in order to apologize to family and to explain why I may not be around as much (its temporary...believe me) and about my new Dell.

I am thankful for my new Dell
I am thankful my mother is such a giving and patient woman
I am thankful my husband "gets it"
I am thankful I am not smoking

I think hp tech support sucks
Addiction of any kind sucks...I should know
watching my dad struggle with every breath sucks