Little Squirrel

I know many of you watch Seinfeld. I know I did and still do. I have so many "Seinfeld" moments in my life its not even funny. There is one episode that we live with every day here. That is the Little Squirrel episode. For those of you who don't know or can't remember Little Squirrel was the episode where Elaine was dating the saxophone player. She really liked him but there was one little thing he wouldn't do for her in bed and that was the one thing she really wanted. Then Jerry mentions to friends that Elaine and this saxophone player were really getting "hot and heavy". When Elaine found out she freaked. HOT and HEAVY????!!!! she yells. She explains to Jerry that this saxophone player is like a little squirrel. You don't go up to a little squirrel and and make a bunch of noise as she waves her arms wildly about. You need to be gentle and soothing and quiet so you don't scare the little squirrel away.
I finally had to explain to Dave that I'm the little squirrel. I've had so much drama and violence and pain and yelling in my life I just can't bear it anymore. He finally got it and he has been so good ever since.
For example...Dave is the Great Lecturer. No body...I mean nobody can give a lecture like Dave on absolutely everything. Just ask Jess. He would wait until she was locked in the car on their way to court (AGAIN) and that's when he'd spring the lecture. There was no escape. One time when he wouldn't let her out on the side of the interstate in North Carolina on their way back from court (again) screaming at the top of her lungs as he continued with the lecture from hell. She was so pissed she crawled into the very back of our Jeep Cherokee (as far from him as was humanly possible) and that is where she stayed.
But Jess isn't the only one. I got lectures to. I finally was getting like Jess....I couldn't take it. Every time I would screw up (which is a lot...but not on purpose...I'm a lot like Lucy Ricardo.....LUCY..you got some s'plaining to do!!!!) I knew that lecture was coming. Of course he was usually right and he lectured out of love but there are sometimes you just can't take it. You can't!! The last time I screwed up which was a few weeks ago I had to explain my dilemma to Dave and before he could puff up his chest and begin the arduous task of lecturing me I told him "look....little squirrel knows...she doesn't need a lecture because she already knows" That stopped him dead in his tracks and he cracked up. So he is watching his lecturing...he tries to limit it to really important or dangerous type situations. My mother gets the lectures too but shes such a good sport she just waves her arm and lets it go in one ear and out the other.

I am going to label this as Seinfeld Moments because I have a feeling I will be writing about a lot of them.

Happy Easter everyone
Lisa


"Although man's intelligence can sometimes make him a trouble maker, I believe that because of our intelligence we human beings are also capable of developing infinite altruism."
_His Holiness the Dalai Lama

P.S. If some of you are asking "what was the one thing he wouldn't do for Elaine in bed?" Well I will tell you. He finally did this great thing for Elaine but it still wasn't getting her to the promise land. This guy tried and tried until he could try no more. It just so happens that night a talent scout or whatever was watching this guy play. Unfortunately while he tried all day to get Elaine to the promise land his lips became numb. So that night he picks up his saxophone and he can't play!! His lips won't work!! It was awful and I know Elaine felt terrible as she slinked out of the night club. That my friends was the end of Little Squirrel!